Archive for November 2014

I conducted a scientifically valid survey and found that at least one of these two conversations occurred today in 100% of all American households:

  1. “I am not going anywhere near a store tomorrow.”
  1. “I can’t wait to get my hands on $1 DVDs and $4 HDTVs at Big Box Retailer tomorrow!”

Social media, for all that it’s good for, has been extremely vocal in the Thanksgiving Is For Families movement; please pardon me if I omit the requisite hotlinks to individuals decrying the commercialization of every sacred moment that Could Be Spent With Family. You’ve seen them. Yet despite all that spit and anger, stores still open whenever they want. Why doesn’t Big Retail get the picture?

Please stop posting these.

Please stop posting these.

RadioShack opened at 8am Thanksgiving Day. Stores that opened at 8am closed at noon to allow their employees time to go home and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner before returning to the store at 5pm and working until close (midnight).

Dear RadioShack,

Have you ever prepared a Thanksgiving meal (in under a few hours)? Why don’t you just tell your employees to have Thanksgiving at Denny’s? The message will certainly be clearer.

Love,

Superfan Rick

In a statement, RadioShack spokeswoman Andrea McCauley said: “Given the customer demand for store hours on Thanksgiving last year, we made the decision to open on Thanksgiving.  It gives us the opportunity to stay competitive.”

The same article notes that level of demand: RadioShack lost $137.4 million dollars last quarter. RSH is trading under a dollar. Its market valuation is $85 million (if you had $85 million dollars lying around with absolutely nothing better to do, you could buy the entire company, all 4,400 stores, or approximately $19,400 per store). Rabid shoppers will clearly bombard them this holiday season. Just a suggestion, RadioShack: you might want to keep doors in stock since America is about to bust ‘em down.

For every one (1) person who posts something about Families and Thanksgiving and The Sanctity of Employee Respect, there is one (1) nonvocal person who will be crashing the gates at your local mall, receiving 50% doorbuster discounts on all the crap they can grab at The Gap.

Don’t forget to pick up half-price yoga pants. Half-price yoga pants are very important. Looking good while wearing them is irrelevant.

Happy Thanksgiving. Now get ready for Christmas.